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Why is the goldfish so alarmed? Well, this year some eight million British
taxpayers are facing self-assessment—a system akin to institutionalised
mugging. Other pages on the site helpfully lay out the new system’s deadlines
and offer a screensaver featuring a “penalty shoot-out” with the taxman. But
what are the penalties for missing the deadlines? There is no point trying the
frequently asked questions page, which is still “under construction”. So
Netropolitan had to turn to old technology—the telephone—for an
answer. “We are working on a leaflet,” says Hector’s spokesperson—a
female.